and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I AM VODKA MAN
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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