i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think I am morally bankrupt
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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