Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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