never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
