Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
