I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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