like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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