I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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