On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
