I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
