Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
