So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
