I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
