I am puke
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize