I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
