So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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