bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
