i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
