I accidentally burped into my bong.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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