I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I smell stomach acid.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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