we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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