Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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