So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We had sex on a dog bed..
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
