she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
