we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
