I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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