Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
