Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
