I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
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