there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
