I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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