dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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