K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
