We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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