Only a mothe r could love this liver
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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