I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
