guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
