No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
