I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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