I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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