It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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