I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
