you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
