He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize