oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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