I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
