I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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