A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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