yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
