I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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