Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
