If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
