so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
