she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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