...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize