Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
