Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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