once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
