You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
