Pappa wants mamma naked
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
