A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
