I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
