the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
