just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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