Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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