my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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