i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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