how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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