oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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