I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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