I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
