I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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