ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
