One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
